Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I am midnight drunk by noon
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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