Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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