Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
