ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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