u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
