probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
