What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
