A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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