her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
