Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
