Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I am naked and annoyed.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
