Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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