That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
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He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
She's just so happy...and so naked.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
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Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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