You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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