Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
