I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
