I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
