Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
