I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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