a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
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