I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
