How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
