my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
