Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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