I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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