I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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