The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
