I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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