there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
did i just pee glitter
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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