I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
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You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
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I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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