good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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