he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
