He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize