South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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