are you still at the devil's house?
Apparently you make a good broom.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
