R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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