My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
