Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
