Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Randomize
