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i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
it glows. i had to have it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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