hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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