she was so not down for the gang bang
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
