i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
