Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
