Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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