Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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