the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
no, he came in my armpit
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
