His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
