Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
