What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
