We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
