I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
