Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
