There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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