The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
