just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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