and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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