i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
