that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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