I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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