He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
