We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
